Extraordinary Rendition, Torture, and Other Policies in the Effort to Rid the Civilized World of al-Sciurus


Do you have one of those little counters on your blog or website that tells you how many visits you've had? You do, oh -okay, then you probably get for free the report that shows you which search keywords led to your blog. Can I tell you, I have a few keywords that send people to my blog regularly: free compost, garden center NYC, lead in my city garden, plastic deer, etc. But one startles me because of its frequency: Drowning Squirrels. Yep. So, sometimes I copy and paste the keywords and Google them to see what shows up.

My blog is often on the third page, but I am awed to see so many web logs, message boards, forums, how-tos, and articles that deal specifically with the killing of squirrels and often drowning. I do not know what to say other than this: If you must spend Memorial Day weekend drowning ten squirrels, obviously it is not an effective method of control. Ridding themselves of squirrels is all the rage in the UK, with the native fervor that goes along with alien species (Eastern Grays are from North America).

All it does is satisfy weak, immature, and undoubtedly pathological thought processes when dealing with squirrels this way. If you were a 16 year old boy, the psychologist would be called in to question your future psychopathic potential. Although some say they are as intelligent as dogs, squirrels will do what squirrels do without much regard for your gardens or soffits and they cannot conceptualize the world the way people do. Get smarter, your brain is heavier than the weight of two squirrels. Figure out how to stop them short of torture and death, figure out how to live with them, short of being driven to insanity. Despite their allegiance to the Dark Side, we are better than this.


People are sheepish about posting photos, but you will find them, some gruesome death shots.

Do not feed them. Begin a neighborhood information campaign about not feeding them. Adapt by planting things they don't care for. Use mesh on top of fruiting trees. Ugly yes, but fruit will be there when its time to pick. Put lids on your trash pails. Keep your exterior woodwork in good shape. Keep it well painted, rot free. Consider not feeding birds (attracting birds because you like to look at them, while killing squirrels because they like the free food is, well, twice as bad). Squirrels have teeth that keep growing, and they need to gnaw to grind them down. They are not eating your deck, they are using free and easy wood to do the trick. Consider a stone patio in a high squirrel area. Adapt. If you insist on killing, Good God Man, do it in a way that appreciates the awareness of life all living creatures have! Good luck.